SOLVING THE PROBLEM...

Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh, look! A nut!" The second squirrel jumped on it and said, "It?s my nut!"

The first squirrel said, "That?s not fair! I saw it first!"

"Well, you may have seen it, but I have it," argued the second.

At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, "You shouldn?t quarrel.

Let me resolve this dispute." The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, "Now, give me the nut." He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, "See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved."

Then he reached over and said, "And for my fee, I?ll take the meat."

AT THE BAR...

A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

The guy says, "You would be drinking fast if you had what I had."

The bartender says, "What do you have?"

The guy says, "75 cents."

AT THE FARM...

Grandpa was showing little Johnny around the farm, and when they come to the corral, he explained, "That's a bull and a cow, and he's serving her."

A little later on, they saw horses. The Grandpa said, "That's a stud and a mare, and he's serving her, too."

That night at supper, after everyone was seated and grace was said, Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Will you please serve the turkey?"

Little Johnny jumped up and yelled, "If he does, I'm eating a hamburger!"

FAT VS BLONDE...

A rather wide woman (read fat), is crossing the street, and all of sudden a car which was driven by a blonde hit her. The fat woman screamed :” Are ya crazy, you fool, you could’ve drove around!” And the blonde goes: “ I am sorry, lady, I didn’t have enough gas!”

DRIVE TEST...

A Blonde explains to another blonde friend:

- I failed the drive test. I entered the circle-way and the sign said „30“ so I drove 30 times around.

And the other one says:

-You probably counted wrong

FAT LADY TO THE THEATRE...

The rather broad lady went to the theatre a little before the performance started and gave the usher two tickets. "Where's your companion?" asked the usher. "Well," said her, with a blush, "you see, one seat is a little too small for me and pretty uncomfortable so I decided to get two. But they're both really for me." "Fine with me, mam," the usher replied, scratching his head. "There's just a slight problem. You see, your seats are numbers 52 and 61."

BLONDE JOKES 9

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.